Five years of marriage

I know writing a mushy anniversary post is so bloggy cliche, but I was feeling really mushy this morning on my fifth anniversary, so you all can deal (or just roll your eyes and ignore it).



When I think about the giddy feelings of five years ago, I can't believe how naive and unprepared I was for marriage. I imagine many brides feel this way before their wedding day (especially those separated by 2,000 miles for most of their relationship, like we were!) I dreamed about travel, and romantic dinners and cuddling at night and kissing every morning.

I had the silliest ideas about how marriage would fulfill and complete me. About how fun and exciting and romantic it would be every day. Marriage was going to fix all of our long-distance communication struggles, soften our rough edges, and insta-solve our conflicts.



But of course, marriage has turned out to be so much harder than I expected. It has been refiner's fire. It has been a wrestling of wills. It has been many, many moments of "intense fellowship" (as one of our pastor's calls marital conflict). It has been tears and frustration and disappointment and "I can't believe you!" and "how dare you!" and "who even ARE you?"

It has been long discussions with no resolutions. It has been going to bed angry sometimes and waking up still angry. It's been staring blankly at a wall for an hour and thinking there is just no way to fix this.

It has been the hardest five years of my life.

And it has been the best.




Marriage has been so much more transformative and more fulfilling than I could have imagined. It has taught me about myself, it has taught me about others, and more than anything, it has taught me about the character of God. It has shown me my own selfishness in ways I never could have seen on my own, and it has changed me for the better. It has been a comfort, an encouragement, a haven and a home. (And it has involved those travel adventures, romantic dinners and morning kisses too!)

Marriage didn't fulfill my deepest needs, but it did point me to the place where my deepest needs are met. It drove me, time and time again, to Jesus and his redemptive love.



And as I sit here getting pummeled from the inside by one of the greatest blessings our marriage has produced while my husband builds homes in Mexico with our church, I am extremely grateful that God saw fit to bless me with E, and to bless me with marriage.



Here's to another 5 years of companionship, blessing and lot of growth!

Bump Style

I have semi-revived my style Tumblr, so if you want to follow along as I figure out maternity fashion, click here!

You can also follow me on Instagram for more semi-occasional bump selfies or on Pinterest where I'm constantly searching for gender neutral baby gear that doesn't make me want to scoop out my eyeballs.

Thank you for all your love, concern and support after my last post. Hearing from ladies all over, at all stages of mothering and non-mothering, some that identified with me, and some that just wanted to encourage me, has been an amazing experience. It is another reminder of the wonderful community that the last 5 years of blogging has brought!

More reflections to come... XO